Wake up

I woke up today, and realized I was beginning to live my life as a shade. A mirror of myself. It overwhelmed my senses and took hold of my hands, pulling me out of bed and threw me back into the vessel which is my body. Uncomfortable, I allowed myself to become reacquainted with the limits of breathing and feeling. Allow the soothing rhythm of my heart beat to calm my uncontrollable spirit. I wanted nothing more than to fly, become a free soul, floating over the rest of the world, until realizing that I was leaving everyone else, everyone that I cared for in my wake of destruction. You see, a soulless body functions, but is only a mirror, a shadow of what used to be. Nothing but a moving breathing talking impostor. I realized that I may be able to float above everyone in my own fantasies, but I was meant to help those around me. Give them parts of my soul to share and cherish together. I need to be present, together in this world. Not a shattered mess of broken glass. So this morning, when I woke from slumber, I pulled those pieces back together, and even though I need to be reintroduced to the beat of my heart and the sound of my voice, I will at least be me, A whole. And as i step away from the mirror and into the beautiful sun, I see them. Everyone who loves me and who has been waiting for me to regain consciousness once again.

Parallel

double lives
living parallel thoughts
two congruent unconnected feelings
its impossible to understand
how I manage to recreate this cycle
this circle of emotions

always the same,
love, life, them, me
same story,
different players,

I am stronger than this
a fighter in my own right
a survivor of my own sacrifices

Life will never be dull
a book ever written
at the hand of my own pen

no matter how beautifully complicated the story
the more out of control I become.

Not allowing my mind to run free
only unleashes the demons of the night
Unforgettable, yet hidden

Hopefully locked away,
in its hand made cage.

the lines of my paper,
and strokes of my pen.

Butterflies

Your smile slips across my mind
White noise all around me
I can only hear your voice
In my head and in my heart

A simple smile and my heart takes flight
A slight kiss and butterflies fill me to my core
You fill my heart with butterflies
They are now floating away

Miles and miles away
To a far away land
Right next to yours

Your smile always slips across my mind
And I can’t control the butterflies
From taking up the space
Where your soul should be

Right next to me…

Accepting Everything About Life...

Sometimes I feel like I can't control the feelings that are swirling around in my mind. Why can't I have an off button for my emotions and just stop thinking and feeling everything that is around me. I want to just sit back and not worry. But sadly, there is no such button, at least for me.
Then I think, that if one didn't go through all of those antsy, uncomfortable, annoying feelings that roll around in the pit of your stomach eating you alive, then how on earth would you know the moments that you feel like you're flying on a cloud, in the best mood of your life? I don't think it would be possible. You need to experience everything in life or you are never truly living. Living is like loving, you have to accept the good with the bad. If not, then you can't be living or loving at all.
It is hard missing someone you love. One of the most challenging feelings actually, but if you look at each and every day as one day closer to being with that person then life, even the hard times, becomes more manageable. It becomes a journey that can help you grow and find out exactly who you truly are. The person inside that rarely comes out into the real world.
I want to begin pulling little pieces of that person out each and every day. I want to reach down to my core and slowly pull another piece of broken colorful glass so that one day, when I put all of the tiny pieces together and create a wall of beautiful broken glass that doesn't seem so broken anymore.
And yes, of coarse I will miss a love, fail, an pass up on an opportunity, but I will make each and ever road block a time for reflection, love and forgiveness, because sometimes the person you have to forgive is the person staring right back at you, in the reflection of a mirror.

Photograph

The trees sway with the spirit of the breeze
I can feel the crisp sweet scent of winter upon my flushed cheeks
I close my eyes to the world
Lifting my chin to the heavens
I can feel life surrounding me
Caressing my skin
Causing waves of pleasure to crawl up my arms and into my heart
I stand, motionless
Letting the energy of the world, the elements, take over my senses
I am trapped
In an obis of emotion
I never want to let go of this moment
This second in time
This perfection
Life continues with out me
I am a photograph
Still, in an ever-moving world
I wish to be different
I love to stand out
Still, for everyone to gaze upon
But no one can know the truth of who I am
The depth
The strangeness
I will forever be looked upon
But never ever understood
Like a photograph

The Sun Will Rise Again

It wouldn't be life if there weren't any mountains to climb. Sometimes I wonder when I'm finally going to be able to get to the top of the one I am hiking up. It can be so exhausting that all the energy I have left is used in the tears that fall on the dirt beneath my feet. I feel like I can no longer move on and the way I came seems like such a easier way to go. But then, just as I am about to turn around and head back the way I came, a slight breeze breathes against my face and it makes me aware of where I truly am. I am in the middle of an amazing journey, it is called life. The cool air dries my tears on my face and I can finally begin to breathe again.

Life is a mountain range. If you decide to stop climbing, then you are choosing to give up on the opportunities life has set ahead for you. If you choose to stop working hard and give up, then you are wasting the only time you have on this beautiful planet. There is day and night for a reason, it give each person the opportunity to start again every time we welcome the sun's rays onto our faces. I just hope that I will be able to feel them from the top of this mountain. I hope that I will sweat, work, climb, and cry all the way to the top, because when I finally get to the top, for just a moment, I will be at complete and udder peace.

And that is why life is worth fighting for.

The Next Stage

Today I am starting the process of packing my life away, again, into boxes to create a new home for at least a year in my young existence. It is very exciting and fun but at the same moment, I feel myself transforming into a six year old who can not comprehend the meaning of change.

Having to throw away things that I once used to treasure seems unsettling to me. Old photographs that you find in the corner of a dusty desk drawer. Something that you may have looked at everyday for a year and smiled and yet now holds only memories hidden away to be forgotten. Change can be difficult, but I am doing my absolute best to embrace it. To spread my arms out wide and free fall into what life has in store for me next. But, if I'm being completely honest with myself, sometimes, you just want to mourn some of the things you may have lost. An old boyfriend, a dog, a friend, even a pair of jeans that got too worn and torn to be seen in public. No matter what it is, I feel that taking the time to let go of whatever it is you have grown past is so critically important to move on and into the future fully.

So, before I start taping up all those boxes and begin carrying them to the moving truck, I think I'll just sit and cherish my old trinkets and memories for a few more minutes until I throw them away and move on to the next stage where there are new loves and memories ready to open up before me like a blossoming flower in the sunlight of a new day.

For No Reason At All

Sometimes I just sit and stare out my window. It is the most beautiful day outside. The warm breeze swaying through the evergreen trees. I just can't help but smile. I feel so calm and at peace for no explanation, other than the loveliness of the day is bringing me some sort of innate happiness. I am content.

I am content to just be me, myself, for at least a moment. To understand that some days I am on this earth not to work, or run, or be busy, but to appreciate what is surrounding me. The world that lies right in my fingertips and all I have to do is grasp it. Reach out and claim what is rightfully.... everyones.

I understand that people have "property" but there are so many places around the world that are meant for everyone. Whether it is a beautiful mountain, or simple a tree. There are beautiful things all around us that were not made, or planned, they just are. Nature is a gift for us each and everyday. Why not take the time, just a moment, and appreciate all that we have. All that was given to us, for no reason at all.

Take a minute...

The saying goes, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." Well i have a few lemons in my life that are really not conducive to what I want to be doing. When your spirit is saying, "I need to have fun and take a break!" but your calender is saying, "you have 15 more things to go" I am kind of at a loss of what I should do.

At that point, I decide to just stop. Sit in the middle of my path (my life) and just be still. I know there are things to get done and I know what I really want to do, but there are just times you need to sit down on the ground, on my dirt path that leads to who knows and just breathe. Just feel the breeze and smell the sweet air and stop. It brings me back down to reality and helps me think clearly again.

In this day and age, we all get caught up in moving too quickly. Sometimes it's just nice to slow down and experience life, rather than let it rush right past you. The moments that we remember, the really special ones, are the ones where everything slowed down, if only for a second, so that we could taste, touch, hear, or feel everything about that one sliver in time. Think if we tried to do that once everyday. Just stopped to smell a freshly bloomed rose, or looked up to the brilliant blue sky and let the sun radiate down on your skin. To actually feel its warmth seep into you and make you feel alive. We would all live so much more fully and actually be content.

To enjoy the small intangible things, is to live life how it was meant to be lived... Start today. I know I am.

Welcome to my View on Life

Wow! So much has been going on in my life. I can't even believe how fast life is moving. It felt like yesterday I was starting high school and now I am half way through college. People always tell you that life goes by quickly, but you never realize it until it starts speeding past. I want nothing more now, than to live my life fully. I just want to be in my body and present for every part of life. Even for the difficult parts. I am going through some tough times right now, but it is still a huge part of life. Going through the rough times is just as important as having a blast and loving everything. You should appreciate and learn from every part of your life. It is difficult but I am going to do my absolute best now. When I am gone, I want people to remember me and think that I really enjoyed life. How it is meant to be loved... There is a reason for everything, and if I'm supposed to have a really crappy day and be rejected by this or that, then it's supposed to happen. I don't mean that you shouldn't try and do your best on everything, but I do believe that no one is perfect and we are all going to make mistakes. Some of my biggest mistakes have helped me learn so much and change my life for the better.

Anyway, this is my new official blog! I hope that there is at least one person who is interested in what I have to say and if not, oh well. Haha. Life's too short to worry about the little things. I will be updating as much as I can. Thanks a ton for reading... I'll be back with random insight and fun ramblings soon.

-Sierra